The Beauty of Belonging
New Friends, Old Friends, and the Magic of Connection
Every morning, I open my 5 Minute Journal and write down three things I’m grateful for. I’ve been doing this twice-daily practice for nearly two years now, and I have to say, it’s one of the best ways to return to gratitude, even when life feels overwhelming.
My expressions of gratitude vary: excitement over a three-day weekend, the joy of warmer weather and sunshine, the relief of paying off a credit card or the satisfaction of posting on my Substack for another week in a row. But no matter what else makes the list, there’s one constant: the people in my life. A sunny day or a financial win feels amazing, but it’s the relationships in my life I cherish most.
When I moved back to Illinois last September, the hardest part wasn’t packing up my things—it was leaving my circle of friends behind. Change is exciting, but it can also be lonely and unsettling. Fortunately, my transition came with a soft landing. Living with my parents and reconnecting with a few childhood friends made the adjustment easier. But not all moves are this seamless.
For the first few months, I convinced myself that keeping to myself was fine. I had a busy few months adjusting, the holidays to get through and dark winter months. I reminded myself when I was feeling lonely that I had friends I could visit in Indianapolis, others I could FaceTime, and a full enough life without adding more to it.
But just like an animal emerging from hibernation, as the days stretch longer and spring approaches, I’ve felt an undeniable pull toward connection. Last week, as I prepared for the time change and the shifting season, I realized it was time to at least consider putting myself out there in this college town I call home again. And while my mental health is in the best place it’s ever been, a conversation with my therapist reminded me that seeking out community isn’t just beneficial—it’s essential.
Whether you’re looking to expand your circle or deepen your existing friendships, this week I want to explore the beauty of making new connections, putting yourself out there, and being the kind of friend you want to have. Because at the end of the day, friendships and family are the heart of life—and they make everything that much sweeter.
Stepping Outside My Comfort Zone
Last week, while scrolling Instagram, I came across a post from a page I had followed months ago: Champaign-Urbana Girls Who Walk (@cugirlswhowalk on Instagram). In honor of Women’s Day, they were hosting a morning walk and coffee social. I had followed the page back in January but never made it to an event. This time, something in me said, Go. My social battery was finally charged, and it felt like the perfect way to ease back into my hometown.
I took note of the details, set an alarm, and told myself I’d show up. But when morning came, doubt crept in. What if I’m the oldest person there? What if it’s awkward? What if I don’t fit in? My brain threw out every excuse to stay home, but I knew from experience that pushing past discomfort almost always leads to something good. So, like a nervous kid on the first day of school, I got dressed and went.
The walk itself was short and easy, but the impact felt big. I found myself at the front, striking up conversations, and soon realized I was chatting with Rachel, the woman who started the group just last summer. She had grown it through social media and word of mouth, and now nearly 40 women were out walking together on a Saturday morning—all because she put herself out there to create a space for connection.
Driving to the event, I had a familiar feeling—the same one I’ve had before walking into improv class for the first time, networking events, or entering a new fitness studio. That mix of nerves and excitement, the tension of the unknown. The little voice whispering, Stay the same. Don’t change. But every time I’ve ignored that voice, I’ve been proud of myself on the other side.
After the walk, a group of us grabbed coffee, chatted, and exchanged details about upcoming events. Just a few hours of connection reminded me how important it is to step outside your comfort zone, even when it feels uncomfortable.
If you’re in a new place or looking to expand your circle, I encourage you to seek out groups or activities that interest you. Maybe it’s a yoga class, a book club or a local meetup. And if you can’t find what you’re looking for, create it yourself. Rachel did, and now local women have a way to connect because of her.
I’ve also been thinking about volunteering—whether it’s walking dogs at the Humane Society or helping kids read, it’s another meaningful way to meet people while giving back.
Whether you join a group, start one, or give your time to a cause, being open to connection is the first step. And once you’ve made those connections, it’s about fostering them—balancing the new while cherishing the tried-and-true friendships that have shaped you along the way.
The Friendships That Shape Us
One of the things I’m most proud of is the quality of friendships I’ve built over the years. While I never had a massive group of friends growing up, I’ve always cherished deep, individual connections. I’d rather have many meaningful friendships than be limited to just one circle. Even with distance and different life stages, we continue to root for one another, lift each other up, and have the most fun when we reunite.
Some of the women who know me best are woven into the fabric of who I am—my cousins, who feel more like sisters. These incredible women are spread across the country, and though we may not talk every day, I am endlessly proud to know them, witness their growth, and celebrate their wins. Whether they’re excelling in their careers, navigating motherhood, or overcoming personal challenges, my family is full of strong, inspiring women. I recently read that cousins are becoming less common, which makes me even more grateful for the ones I have.
My coworkers used to laugh at how often I had a cousin in the cities I traveled to for work. I never missed a chance to extend my stay or skip a company outing just to grab dinner with them.
Beyond family, I have been lucky to form deep friendships throughout my life. From my childhood best friends to former coworkers turned lifelong confidantes to the women I spent the past decade with in Indy, I am rich in relationships. Sometimes, I wonder if being single has allowed me to cultivate such strong friendships—I’ve had the time and energy to pour into the people who mean so much to me.
The friendships that have stood the test of time are especially meaningful because these women have seen every version of me. From the little girl who created elaborate Barbie storylines to the awkward middle schooler to the young adult struggling to find joy, my friends have witnessed my highs and lows and loved me through every phase.
To have a wide network of friends, you must also be a good friend in return. Just like romantic relationships have love languages, I believe friendships do too. For me, words of affirmation and quality time mean the most, but others may value acts of service, thoughtful gifts or even simple gestures like a hug.
Some people need constant text check-ins, while others (like me) prefer a heartfelt phone call or handwritten note. If you’re feeling disconnected, be the one to reach out. Set up the coffee date. Schedule the FaceTime call. Make the effort you wish to see. But also recognize that friendships, like everything in life, have seasons.
Being single for most of my life has allowed me to cultivate beautiful friendships, but it has also taught me the importance of pouring into my own cup. Without a partner or kids, I recognize that I have more capacity to plan weekend trips, set up hangouts, and check in regularly. But I’ve also learned that just as much as I invest in others, I need to invest in myself.
Life in your 30s is busy enough, and while I love making connections, I also prioritize being my own friend. If my friends are busy with other responsibilities, I don’t wait around—I take myself out. I explore my community, try new things, and enjoy my own company.
With spring around the corner, I know I’ll feel some FOMO when my friends in Indy start making plans. But I’m excited to put myself out there, meet new people, and build connections in my own city. And even when I don’t have someone to do things with, I know I can still show up for myself.
As the old poem goes, “Make new friends but keep the old, one is silver and the other is gold.” Over the years, I’ve collected friendships as precious as silver and gold, and if you’re reading this, you’re likely one of them. So thank you for uplifting me, supporting me, and making life that much more fun. And when I open my Five Minute Journal app tonight, I’ll be expressing gratitude for my friends and family—just as I have hundreds of times before.